So, letâ€™s stop trying to pretend this will be anything groundbreaking and new.
Iâ€™m just another person thatâ€™s shouting into the void that is the internet, doing my best to figure out life and health and happiness and fulfillment. If no one reads any of this, thatâ€™s okay, because itâ€™s not about making money or gaining a following.
Itâ€™s about working through my shit, and hoping that if someone does read it, that maybe it will help them, too.
â€œAuthenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. Itâ€™s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.â€ BrenÃ© Brown
I care a lot about how people see me. I spend a lot of time worrying about how others perceive my choices and words and actions, and in turn worrying how those perceptions will impact my life. That I will lose the things that are important to me; that the life I have worked hard to have will shatter. I operate on the belief that one wrong move means that I will end up homeless, jobless, and alone.
Itâ€™s obviously not healthy to put yourself under that kind of pressure. But I also know that Iâ€™m not unique. The quest for perfectionism is widespread.
I want to stop living for the day that I will finally be perfect, and instead live each day wholeheartedly and authentically; to embrace my failures and messes alongside my success. To grow from an internal desire to be a better human versus the desire to appease external forces. I want to pursue interests that fill me with joy, without worrying about if Iâ€™ll be good at them or keep up with them and without worrying about whether theyâ€™ll help or harm my career. And I want to write about it.
So, I am.